When traveling doesn’t scare you anymore because you are traveling a lot that it makes it a routine for you, life brings you more excitement to make your adrenaline rush back again. For some people it may be finding a job and deciding to stay in one place that is different to their own, some living in a place where you have no idea of any words locals are talking about, or maybe meeting a person you never thought you’ll end up meeting in an unexpected place and time.
Yes, all of those I mentioned were scary thoughts. Thoughts that became my reality in the past (and the latter, my present). Sure, it isn’t easy to decide staying in a country totally different to where you grew up with and having done it several times, it became usual for me that on my fourth time in a fourth country to decide and live in, as if it’s like nothing.
What about living in a country where language barrier exists, 3 out of 4 times from those places I am kinda enjoying it now just because I know I’ll be learning another language to speak soon. It may be hard in the beginning but everything always ends up okay, if not great.
Then meeting people, not just great people but then you get to meet someone along the way that makes you smile, giggle, have fun, and maybe starting to like… That, most of the time scares me which until now I don’t know how to deal with. Always, I end up running away just because I needed a little push. How many times I turned down opportunities to be happy? I couldn’t remember or maybe I should say, I couldn’t count how many times.
I remember how such wonderful words like, “Travel with me…”, “I’ll get you a ring…”,”It would be great if you’d stay…” just ended up with my mediocre answer “Maybe its not yet the right time…” simply because I couldn’t deal how it makes me happy. I wonder why something that makes me happy scares me? Running away from it and regretting it afterwards.
I still don’t know, but all I know is that the last time I let the chance passed me by was that one I found in Malaysia that traveled with me in Brunei and met me again in Bali didn’t make me happy at all and ended me up with lots of ‘What if’ questions that I know I might not end up getting back.
Now, I am faced with something scary again and I know I am being so difficult not just for the other person but for me too, well, it should be okay for me because I know myself but I know it’s not fair for the other person who is just so wonderful to care for the ‘runaway girl’ like me. Pushing his luck to the limits and selflessly giving almost anything he can that I am refusing, seems unfair. All I know is that traveling got me something new to be scared once again… I just hope, I’d be able to deal with this better this time than ending up with ‘what ifs’ all over again. I think my sister is right, that its better to regret things you’ve done rather than regretting over things you didn’t even try.