Reminiscing, contemplating on life how terrible things happened to me in the past…I remember one sad night that I never wanna live, pleading God to take me, as I’ve pleaded hundred of times to stop terrible things that keeps hurting me to come. It didn’t happen. I asked so many questions, still unanswered. I asked myself that night knowing everything will come to an end, “when everything is over, will I want to die still?”…it was unbearable that during those dark times, TIME doesn’t seem to move.
Time during those moments felt like you’re trapped in a quicksand, yet you found a way to get out, it feels like impossible to get out, it keeps pulling you down, draining your emotions, making you feel every single emotions you can feel. I kept contemplating on life I have, I asked an elder friend who was stand like my second father, Ronnie Cantos… ‘Why it doesn’t stop? Why tragedy after another?‘, and he replied, ‘it’s coming to an end soon, because its pouring’…it made me cry, from that simple answer, it overwhelmed me…and a slight hope came out of me, wanting to be out of all those.
Now, I am here…looking back at that night when I asked myself if I still wanna die when I get out of that situation? My answer now is, NO. My life has been a real life roller coaster, a story from a movie that you thought is just a fiction but it happened to me. It happens in reality…and teach you to see a lot of things you’ve never seen. Contemplating on life I have at the moment, I know now the answers to my questions if not all. It lies within us, we just have to learn accept it, and we will be free.